


A Taste of Your Own Medicine

by Ameera



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Crack, Flirting, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, all at Dukat's expense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-05 00:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12179157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameera/pseuds/Ameera
Summary: There are few things as annoying as a man who won't just give up when you make it clear you're not interested. Kira is sick of Dukat's advances and the rest of the Senior Staff has an idea: what if their resident flirt pursued Dukat just as brazenly?--Julian flirts with Dukat to make him uncomfortable and also to make Garak jealous since he's been giving him the cold shoulder. Featuring super hetero Dukat!





	1. The Plan

**Author's Note:**

> On my tumblr: ameerawritesstuff.tumblr.com I asked people what they wanted to see next. The results were kinda varied for specifics but everyone agreed that we were due some fluff for sure. Therefore, I decided to start this lovely and bizarre ride. Enjoy!

Sisko scrolled a bit down on his PADD and sighed before bringing up the next issue he needed to raise during this staff meeting. "Dukat hailed us. His ship is in need of repairs." Essentially everyone either groaned or rolled their eyes. Major Kira did both.

 

"We should be able to fit him in. But he'll have to wait a couple of days.” Miles sighed apologetically. “Also, depending on the damage, he may be here an entire week."

  
"That will at least make Ziyal happy." Jadzia gave Kira a consoling smile.

  
"Ugh, and me miserable!” Kira shook her head. “The man keeps leering at me and making the worst innuendos.” She squirmed in her seat uncomfortably. “Not to mention he brings up any possible criticism of Shakaar that he can."

  
“You’d think the pregnancy would dissuade him.” Jadzia said and Kira scoffed. "Men who don't take no for an answer are the worst." Jadzia said with a knowing nod.

  
"Was that... Uh,” Julian leaned slightly closer to Jadzia and whispered. “I wasn't that bad was I?" Jadzia laughed out loud, guaranteeing that all the attention was back in Julian’s direction. 

  
"Oh no! I never told you to leave me alone,” Jadzia gave a happy shrug, “it was kind of fun." Everyone else in the room gave small smiles are chuckles. Julian straightened his posture and let out an irritated exhale.

  
"Well, I'm happy to amuse.” Jadzia put her hand on Julian’s shoulder and he smiled sadly. “It seems I'm no longer entertaining to Garak, he's been ignoring me lately."

  
"Listen, people,” Captain Sisko said in his “can we please do our jobs” voice. “I'm just warning you all that Dukat's about to be on the station. Short of a diplomatic incident,” He looked pointedly at Major Kira, “you're welcome to respond to that however you like. Though, Major, I do sympathize.” Sisko sighed and leaned back in his chair. “If you'd like, I can try to talk to him. Though there's no guarantee he'll listen to me."

  
"He'd probably view it as a challenge.” Kira dismissed, “In his mind I bet he sees his perseverance as noble or charming,” she gritted her teeth, “it's just annoying."

 

"Maybe…” Jadzia smiled that unmistakable smile that meant someone was going to suffer, but at least it would be fun. “We can show him just how uncomfortable it is to have someone you don't like pursue you..."

 

“Now who do we know that can be that  _ annoying  _ of a flirt, hmm?” O’Brien chimed in, smirking at Julian. All eyes were suddenly on the doctor paired with wide grins.

 

"We should really get back to the meeting." Julian laughed uncomfortably and pleading with Sisko with his eyes.

  
"You know, doctor,” That glint in his eyes. The one that everyone  _ knew  _ he’d learned from Curzon. “You flirting with Dukat is something I'd actually like to see."

  
"And what would I do if he decides to  _ return _ my advances?" Julian said with horror at the fact this was even be humored.

 

"Then I won't have to worry about him anymore." Kira scoffed with a sarcastic smile.

  
"This isn't an order, you only have to do what you want.” Sisko was actually hoping Julian would do this? “In fact, if he does respond, you can laugh in his face and explain the whole ploy if you'd like. A nice embarrassing rejection would be good for him." Sisko grinned, obviously imagining Dukat suffering that level of humiliation.

  
"And…” Jadzia essentially purred while squeezing Julian's arm, “just imagine the look on Garak's face when he sees you going for Dukat?" A smile began to creep its way onto Julian’s lips before he began to chuckle.

 

“Now  _ that  _ is something I would actually like to see.” Julian stood up with confidence. “If you’ll excuse me. I have a repulsive man to seduce.” He nodded with a smirk to the room before simply looking at Sisko.

 

“Dismissed, everyone.” Sisko laughed and the game had begun.

 


	2. Seduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dukat has arrived at the station and Kira is adamant that he visit the infirmary at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...lol

"Major, I assure you, that's unnecessary." Dukat said with his hands raised. He only had a minor scrape on his cheek, yet Kira was  _ adamant  _ he should see the doctor. Despite his protests, he had a smug smirk on his face, obviously loving her apparent concern.

 

"Kira to Bashir." Major Kira said sternly, hitting her communicator.

  
"Bashir here."

  
"Dukat just arrived.” Now a small mischievous smile appeared on her face. “I think you should come take a look at him."

  
"Mm,” an ominous chuckle was heard from the other end, “I'd be happy to give him a look." There was a pause. “Can he walk or does he require emergency transport?”

 

“If I  _ must  _ go to the infirmary, I prefer to walk.” Dukat sighed before making his way to where the doctor was. He’d been expecting Kira to follow him since she seemed so invested in his well-being, but he ultimately found himself entering the infirmary alone. “As you can see, it’s really nothing.” Dukat sighed when Julian walked over to him.

 

“I wouldn't call that nothing.” Julian tsk’d. “It could leave a hideous scar on your face.” Julian cupped Dukat's face which startled the Cardassian slightly. “Relax.” Julian chuckled as he raised up the dermal regenerator with his other hand and healed the scrape. Dukat quickly pulled away when it was done.

 

“Cardassians tend to find battle scars rather attractive.” Dukat sniffed with an air of superiority. 

 

“Well,  _ I  _ don’t.” Julian smirked while he let his eyes trace Dukat’s figure up and down. “No, I think your face is perfect just the way it is.” Dukat narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

 

“Right. Well.” He looked around the infirmary for a moment before turning to leave. “Thank you, doctor.”

 

“Not so fast, Dukat.” Julian quickly put a hand on Dukat's shoulder, causing him to go stiff. Dukat reasoned that that simply  _ couldn't _ have been an intentional flirtation. The doctor surely didn’t realize what a sensitive area that was. “While I have you in here, I might as well make sure you’re in perfect condition.”

 

“Doctor,  _ why  _ do you insist on being such a nuisance?” He asked as he awkwardly moved away from Julian’s touch.

 

“It’s my job.” Julian smirked before guiding Dukat to a biobed. “And, furthermore, I can’t help but feel we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot.”

 

“I’m sorry?” Dukat asked in confusion.

 

“I’m sorry too.” Julian shook his head. “Forgive me?” Dukat simply raised an eye ridge. Julian sighed. “Yes, well, I haven't been kind to you. That whole affair with Pa’dar and…” he waved a dismissive hand, “I was spending far too much time with  _ Garak _ .” He made a point to sneer the name. Dukat smiled at that.

 

“I see you’re no longer very fond of the tailor.” Dukat relaxed slightly.

 

“The man certainly likes to hear himself talk.” Julian said, rolling his eyes before grabbing a tricorder. “Plus, he’s obviously wrong about you.”

 

“Oh?” Dukat enjoyed both hearing positive praise and that Garak was out of favor. This doctor’s visit was surprisingly providing him with both.

 

“What you did for your daughter was very noble.” Julian smiled. He let their eye contact remain in silence for a moment before focusing on his tricorder. “Not to mention your battle with the Klingons is very brave.”

 

“Thank you, doctor.” Dukat nodded. “That’s most kind of you.”

 

“I’m a kind person.” Julian smirked before letting his tone get low. “You should get to know me better. We could do dinner tonight at Quark's?” Dukat was about to say something when Julian went back to his professional but friendly voice. “Since I know both Major Kira and Ziyal are feasting in the shrine tonight in honor of Sol’Tahrpahl. I imagine you don’t want to go to a Bajoran religious ceremony.”

 

“True…” Dukat thought. “Alright, doctor. Quark’s at 18:30?”

 

“It’s a date!” Julian smirked. Dukat was sure that was just another odd human expression. He was absolutely positive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such cracky garbage, like, Ameera, you're a serious writer, what are you doing?? XD
> 
> Sometimes, it's fun to write some ridiculous nonsense, you know? That's one of the things I love about Star Trek. It can be angsty and full of dark seriousness, but it can also be the most comical and joyful circus. Bless this mess.
> 
> Send me prompts at my tumblr and stuff, since I really only use it to engage with my AO3 writers more: ameerawritesstuff.tumblr.com 
> 
> Comments and kudos if you enjoyed~


	3. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garak sees Julian dining and flirting brazenly with none other than Skrain Dukat.

“Thanks for joining me.” Julian smiled when the most surprising companion arrived. Garak, from where he carefully watched in the shadows, saw none other than Dukat sit down next to the doctor!

 

“I suppose it’s only fair that I let you start anew. After all, much has changed in the past few years.”

 

“I’ll say.” Julian chuckled. “You’re far more muscular than I remember. Hand to hand combat against Bat’leths makes for good exercise, I see.” The doctor smiled and squeezed Dukat's arm playfully. Garak wanted to gag, but that would blow his cover. Was Julian really  _ flirting  _ with  _ Dukat _ !?

 

“I see you focus on physical fitness and health even when you’re not working.” Dukat awkwardly moved his arm away and studied the doctor. “I must admit, it’s always been odd to me to see a male doctor.” Julian leaned back in his chair and sighed.

 

“Medicine was a male-dominated field on Earth originally.” He shrugged. “Thankfully it’s not that way anymore. Much more diverse.”

 

“You must appreciate your surroundings more with your lovely female nurses.” Dukat smiled in that slimey way that made Garak want to punch him. Then again, Dukat didn’t have to do much of anything to make Garak want to punch him.

 

“It’s not just the women who are lovely.” Julian smirked. “I like diversity in my work environment and in my personal life.” 

 

“I see.” Dukat gave a slow nod. “I had wrongfully assumed, given your reputation as a ladies’ man.” 

 

“Few things are as attractive to women as a man who’s slept with another man.” Julian purred and looked at Dukat through hooded eyes. “You should try it sometime.” That was too much for Garak to handle. He too had wrongfully assumed Julian was only interested in women, therefore he’d been spending less time with the man, trying not to torture himself. But here was Doctor Bashir not only expressing that he was interested in men, but throwing himself at a Cardassian! Unfortunately, he was throwing himself at the worst Cardassian he could possibly choose.

 

“Doctor, how nice to see you.” Garak smiled once he revealed himself. He then glanced to Dukat. “Though you’ve chosen such  _ interesting  _ company this evening.”

 

“Hello, Elim.” Julian exhaled sharply. He did  _ not  _ act happy to see Garak. Even more unusual, he used Garak’s first name, almost in a disrespectful way. “What do  _ you  _ want?” Dukat looked Julian over with a prideful look before turning back toward Garak.

 

“Yes, what  _ do  _ you want,  _ tailor _ ?” Dukat said smugly. 

 

“I thought I’d simply say ‘hello’ and take some time to chat.” Garak bit back. “Is that so wrong?”

 

“Actually it is.” Julian’s voice was full of venom, but then he placed a delicate hand on Dukat’s shoulder. “Skrain and I were trying to get to know each other better.” Dukat stood up so quickly, he almost threw Julian off balance.

 

“I have to go.” He said immediately before looking in shock at Julian and then glaring at Garak. “I forgot I have some details to go over with Damar.” He didn’t wait for a response and simply walked away.

 

“I’ll see you later!” Julian practically sang at the departing figure. Garak angrily sat down where Dukat had just been.

 

“I must say, I’m surprised at you, doctor.” He shook his head disapprovingly. “Pursuing Dukat demonstrates very low self-esteem.” 

 

“He’s an attractive man.” Julian scoffed, though there was a grin on his face. “That neck alone is enticing enough.” Julian was actually having a difficult time not laughing at himself as he played this part. Somehow, it was less embarrassing because he knew the rest of the senior staff was listening through his communicator’s transmissions in Odo’s office. If he had to perform without an audience, Julian would almost feel dirty paying Dukat all these compliments.

 

“What you’re describing is a Cardassian beauty standard.” Garak tilted his head in surprise.

 

“I happen to find Cardassians attractive.” Julian shrugged. “Especially the men.” Garak blinked.

 

“He’s also quite a bit older than you.” He added. “The man had already been prefect of Bajor, been married, and had eight separate children while you were still at Starfleet Academy.” 

 

“Mm,” Julian hummed approvingly, “you said yourself that age is a sign of dignity and power.” 

 

“On Cardassia.” Garak corrected. “But you are hardly Cardassian. One would think you’d tend toward more Federation tastes.”

 

“My palate may surprise you.” Julian leaned forward and lightly placed a hand on Garak’s thigh. “If you actually had the courage to find out.” 

 

“Doctor, are you quite well?” Garak asked suspiciously.

 

“I’m in perfect health.” Julian smiled. “In fact, I have more energy than I know what to do with. If only I could get some real stimulation tonight.” He purred. Julian had just spent more time than he would have liked playing a brash and horny ass, he might as well continue the part with a target he actually found attractive. Furthermore, his sudden shift from Dukat to Garak seemed to have the former spy reeling with confusion.

 

“I think it’d be best for you to simply go to bed.” Garak advised, looking at the hand that was still on his thigh.

 

“Bed would be lovely.” Julian breathed, inching slightly closer. “Would you like to join me?” Julian couldn't believe it himself! That was so bold and impossible to misinterpret! There was a protection, if Garak refused him, he could explain the whole plot to make Dukat uncomfortable and express that he thought it would be fun to mess with Garak a bit since Dukat had left. It would be a reasonable enough motive the rest of the senior staff would back him up to protect his dignity. 

 

“You need to go to the infirmary.” Garak said quickly before essentially pulling Julian to his feet. “Something is definitely wrong with you.” Julian allowed himself to be dragged back to his work because he honestly couldn't help but be amused by this development.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I personally can flirt incredibly when I'm playing a part or doing a sort of comedic bit, but if I'm being serious I am a MESS. I figure that since Julian can be smooth normally, he can just be a brazen and overly confident Don Juan no problem. 
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying this madness! XD


	4. Tests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garak is certain something is very wrong with Julian and he'll make sure he fixes it.

Garak frowned at the readings he kept getting from every piece of medical equipment in the infirmary. Everything said the doctor was fine, but Garak felt that simply couldn't be! There had to be  _ something  _ making him suddenly lust for male Cardassians. Some sort of virus or Betazoid hormonal cycle. Garak briefly wondered if this Julian was even the real one at all, but he felt that would still show some sort of difference on the tricorder.

 

“I still can’t believe you took a blood test.” Julian laughed. “I told you, I’m  _ fine _ .”

 

“The computer is still analyzing that.” Garak crossed his arms angrily. “So we’ll just wait and see.”

 

“You’re hardly a medical professional.” Julian sighed. “Why not insist on one of the other doctors or nurses take a look at me?”

 

“And let you embarrass yourself in front of your colleagues?” Garak shook his head. “No, I am quite confident that I can handle this as long as you answer any questions I have.”

 

“You’re assuming I’ll remain cooperative.” Julian smiled. “Perhaps this mysterious ailment will change me into a surly and unhappy man! Or, maybe I’ll just lose all my memories of medicine!” Julian put up his hand in a dramatic motion before he laughed.

 

“It could also cause you to die.” Garak said, clicking his tongue. “Yet you remain sarcastic and insist on making jokes.”

 

“Unlike you.” Julian scoffed. “You’re always the model patient.” Garak was still looking at Julian with anger and concern so Julian sighed. “Can you at least tell me what you think I have?”

 

“Something hormonal I suspect.” Garak said and Julian raised an amused eyebrow. “You’ve now thrown yourself at two different male Cardassians.” He shook his head. “I shudder to think what would happen if you boarded Dukat’s ship.”

 

“So you believe that some sort of illness is giving me a fetish?” Julian burst out laughing. “I hope you’re right since it would make a very unique paper!” Watching the very paranoid Garak play doctor was turning out to be a highlight of Julian’s career.

 

“I believe  _ I  _ would be the one to be writing this paper.” Garak smirked. “But I’ll change the names, of course.”

 

“Ah, thanks. That’s very professional of you.” Julian smiled. “So, Dr. Garak, have you ever seen a case like this before?”

 

“Stop being funny.” Garak snapped. “You’re in danger.”

 

“What are my symptoms?” Julian grinned. 

 

“I’ve often felt a person had to be sick to pursue Skrain Dukat,” Garak sighed, “but then once he leaves, you proposition me? The only things he and I have in common are that we’re male Cardassians.”

 

“Perhaps I just have a genuine fetish and not an ‘ill-conceived’ one.” Julian laughed at his own pun. Garak did not. “So you’re saying that I have Cardassian-Fever?” 

 

“Please tell me that is not an actual medical issue.” Garak sighed. “I’d hate to think Humans randomly contract a desire to bed my people.”

 

“Relax.” Julian smirked. “The concept is as bizarre to me as it is to you.” He wondered if the senior staff was still listening. He thought he might as well give them a show. “In truth, I’m relieved you’re taking all these readings.”

 

“So you  _ do  _ think there’s something wrong with you!” Garak said in triumph. Julian shook his head.

 

“No, but if you keep an eye on my readings, you’ll keep me from suffocating.” Garak tilted his head in confusion. Julian bit his lip and gave a hungry look. “You see, you take my breath away.” Now Julian  _ knew  _ the rest of the staff was still listening because he definitely heard free and uncontrolled laughter travelling from the security office.

 

“Doctor…” Garak said with concerned eyes. “This is very troubling.”

 

“If you’re worried about my breathing,” Julian got off the biobed and walked up to Garak, “why not give me mouth to mouth?”

 

“What’s troubling is your behavior.” Garak clarified as he took a step back. “This is all very out of character for you.”

 

“In what way?” Julian asked as he took another step closer.

 

“You’ve never shown interest in Dukat before.” Julian had to admit that Garak was correct there.

 

“Maybe I’m settling for him?” Julian smirked before placing his fingers on Garak’s chest and slowly walking them up to play with Garak’s collar. “Since I can’t have you.”

 

“That theory assumes that you can’t have me.” Garak said, shaking his head.

 

“You’re saying that’s not true?” Julian’s expression was genuine now, beaming like a child who’d just been promised a Jumja stick.

 

“Doctor, we have to focus on figuring out what this is so we can find a cure.” Garak took another step back, bumping into a lab station.

 

“What if I don't  _ want  _ to be cured,  _ Elim _ ?” Julian purred, moving closer again. 

 

“You, Dr. Julian Bashir,” Garak said, raising an eye ridge, “Salutatorian of your class at Starfleet Medical,” now he had a small amused smirk, to which Julian frowned, “don’t want to be treated for a possibly dangerous ailment?”

 

“Question:” Julian began, Garak nodded for him to continue, “which do you think would come first? My death, or you succumbing to my charms?” Julian licked his lips for an extra touch. “Depending on your answer, it could be worth it.” Garak tried to step back again, but remembered that he was cornered.

 

“You should avoid contact with anyone else until we fix this.” He awkwardly stammered before gently pushing Julian aside and essentially running away.

 

“I promise to only make contact with you!” Julian found himself practically singing again before laughing his way to the Security Office. His entrance was met with laughter and applause so Julian gave a little bow. “Thank you, thank you! But you, the fans, you’re the real heroes!” He said with false seriousness.

 

“‘You take my breath away’!” Jadzia quoted through her laughter. “You did beautifully, Julian.”

 

“I just wish I’d seen Dukat's face when you suggested he sleep with men.” Kira said, trying not to laugh too hard.

 

“You didn't get to witness when I felt his arm and called him muscular.” Julian proudly put his fists on his hips. That had Kira losing it again.

 

“Also, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Odo said with curiosity, “What is ‘Sol’Tahrpahl’?” Julian shrugged.

 

“It sounded Bajoran enough.” He smiled. “And I didn't want to have him invite Ziyal to dinner. I don't think I could do this in front of her.” Odo and Kira exchanged an amused look. “Oh no…” Julian sighed. “What does it mean?”

 

“Well, ‘Sol’ was an ancient Kai.” Kira smirked.

 

“But ‘Tarpahl’ means ‘position’ or ‘form taken’.” Julian let his mind piece together the two meanings before he groaned and slapped his own face.

 

“So I essentially said, ‘Missionary Position’ in Bajoran?” Julian asked. The entire room exploded into laughter again.

 

“Luckily, Dukat never bothered to learn Bajoran.” Sisko smiled. “Good work, lieutenant.” He smirked. “You have expertly made Dukat uncomfortable and even gave us some laughter at your own and Mr. Garak’s expense.” Julian let out a small chuckle. 

 

“I aim to please, sir.” He shook his head. “I have no idea how to proceed though. I’ll try to continue transmissions anytime I see Dukat though.”

 

“You might not see him again.” O’Brien said with a grin as he entered the office. “After your dinner with him, he called me to see if there was any way I could speed up his repairs. He’s desperate to get away.”

 

“Victory!” Julian cheered.

 

“So what did I miss when I had to leave?” O’Brien asked.

 

“Julian moved onto seducing Garak privately in the infirmary.” Jadzia giggled. “It was cringe-worthy.”

 

“Yes, well,” Julian blushed, “sorry you didn't get to hear it, Chief.”

 

“Don’t worry.” Odo smirked. “I recorded the whole thing.” 

 

“Your thoroughness is an inspiration to us all, Constable.” Julian groaned. “Now, if you’ll excuse me,” Julian nodded before heading to the door, “I have terrifyingly intimidating Cardassians to make uncomfortable.”

 


	5. 24 Hour Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new Cardassian enters the infirmary for Julian's special attentions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, the thrilling conclusion! :D

 

“Dr. Bashir.” Julian turned around to see who had just entered his infirmary. He was surprised to see the second in command from Dukat's ship. He hadn't seen Dukat himself since that dinner, and that had been two days ago.

 

“Oh, hello,” Julian said, walking over to him, “It’s ‘Damar,’ isn’t it?”

 

“Yes.” He nodded awkwardly.

 

“Do you need something?” Julian asked.

 

“It may be some time before we stop at a station after we leave…” He gave an awkward smile, “I was thinking I should probably get checked out just in case.”

 

“Of course.” Julian grinned. “Hop onto the biobed, I’m free now.” Damar nodded and did as he was told while Julian got a tricorder. “Anything I should pay special attention to?”

 

“You tell me.” Damar said with an awkward laugh. The man seemed to be incredibly uncomfortable.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Julian said, amused as he started scanning. “No need to be nervous.” 

 

“I suppose I just never liked the idea of a male doctor.” Damar said, straightening his posture. “No offense.”

 

“None taken.” Julian looked at his readings. “Though I do wonder why gender would have any bearing on a person’s ability to do their job.” He shrugged. “Are there any women in the Cardassian military?”

 

“No.” Damar said simply. “It would be improper. Women are supposed to be in charge of the children.”

 

“Right, I suppose that makes sense.” Julian sighed. “Different culture and all that.” He moved to the side so he could scan another part of Damar. “I know orphans have no status on Cardassia, but what’s the situation with single parents?”

 

“Single parents?” Damar asked.

 

“Someone who has lost their spouse.” Julian explained. “Dukat is a single father to Ziyal.”

 

“Well, Glinn Dukat’s situation is complicated.” Damar licked his lips, obviously not wanting to go further into the subject. “But as for someone whose spouse has died, it’s traditional to remarry.”

 

“I see…” Julian nodded before sighing and looking at his scans again. “Everything checks out fine, although…” He shook his head and looked at Damar. “You might want to cut back on the Kanar.”

 

“That’s all?”

 

“You sound surprised.” Julian said, confused. “And a little disappointed, I might add.” He crossed his arms and studied Damar suspiciously. “Were you expecting me to find something? Are you experiencing any symptoms of anything?”

 

“No, doctor.” Damar said, almost proudly as he got up from the biobed. “I’m fine.” 

 

“Wait a minute.” Julian said, pressing a hand to Damar’s chest. Damar flinched for a moment. “If you want to leave, that’s up to you, but  _ you  _ came to  _ me _ .” He looked directly into Damar’s eyes with a glare. “If there  _ is  _ anything wrong, a specialized type of scan may be necessary and in which case, you need to tell me if you think it’s a possibility.” 

 

“Doctor, there’s no need.” Damar’s voice was firm, but his eyes were looking warily at Julian’s hand. Julian sighed.

 

“Alright then.” He dropped his hand and stepped aside so Damar’s path was clear. “But  _ do  _ come back if anything changes.” 

 

“Right.” Damar nodded awkwardly. He glanced around the infirmary, as if he was waiting for something. “Thank you, doctor.” He then headed for the door, but he stopped short of leaving and turned to look at Julian suspiciously.

 

“You’re welcome?” Julian guessed that was the reply Damar was waiting for. He got another awkward nod before the Cardassian finally left the infirmary.

 

Julian was able to put that bizarre interaction out of his head by the time a different Cardassian came to see him.

 

“You’re feeling better, I take it?” Garak smiled.

 

“ _ Much _ better now that you’re here.” Julian smirked. That line was really too easy. Garak blinked in shock.

 

“I thought you’d been cured.” He stammered.

 

“Oh, of that ‘Cardassian Fever’?” Julian chuckled. “Maybe it’s more than a 24 hour thing?”

 

“But you didn't throw yourself at Damar!” Garak protested. Julian inhaled slowly and dramatically ran his hand up his chest. It was a somewhat seductive motion, but mostly it served the purpose of allowing Julian to hit his communicator without making it obvious. He knew this was going to be an entertaining conversation for the Senior Staff.

 

“You sent Damar in here to see if I would try to sleep with him?” It was important to catch the new audience up so they had context.

 

“It was Dukat’s crude method.” Garak rolled his eyes. “I was simply monitoring.”

 

“ _ You  _ are working with  _ Dukat  _ to try and set me up with  _ Damar _ ?” He shook his head with a laugh. “I did  _ not  _ see that coming.”

 

“Doctor, I’m worried about you.” Garak said. “If this disease isn’t hormonal, it must be affecting your brain to be changing your behavior so drastically.”

 

“Garak, answer me this, what was Dukat’s reaction to my advances?” Julian was hoping he could discover that Dukat was planning to leave the station, never to return. Instead, Garak simply eyed him suspiciously.

 

“Why do you want to know?” Garak said slowly.

 

“I just want to know if he likes me.” Julian smiled innocently. “Or, if he  _ like  _ likes me.” He tilted his head slightly and raised his brow to make sure the implication was understood.

 

“Neither, doctor.” Garak huffed. “For starters, Dukat is partial to Bajorans that he can have disturbing power dynamics with.” He then smirked a little. “And he’s painfully heterosexual.”

 

“I’ve been known to change minds before.” Julian replied confidently, hoping the laughter that was bubbling inside him didn't come out and betray his performance.

 

“Sexuality aside…” Garak ignored Julian’s interjections, “I doubt he’s a fan of you besides. You did publicly humiliate him upon your first meeting.”

 

“ _ You  _ put me up to that.” Julian smirked. “Maybe you’ve been trying to keep a distance between me and him since back then?” Julian proposed before walking closer to Garak. “Can’t stand to see me with another man? Want me all to yourself?”

 

“I thought that  _ you  _ were only interested in women as well.” Garak seemed to ignore Julian’s questions.

 

“Well, you thought wrong.” Julian sniffed. It was annoying, how often people assumed Julian wasn’t bisexual. It wasn't as if he tried to hide it, he just often tended toward women, but he hardly limited himself. In truth, he often didn't know the gender of whom he was pursuing. “I’ve had boyfriends and girlfriends.” He pouted slightly. “Though I’m tragically single now.”

 

“Is that what this is?” Garak asked in frustration. “You’re pathetically lonely and therefore throwing yourself at people desperately?”

 

“What I’m doing isn’t pathetic.” Julian scoffed. “You trying to dissuade my attentions by inventing some sort of illness is pathetic.”

 

“I’m trying to  _ help  _ you, doctor!” Garak insisted angrily.

 

“Oh, please!” Julian was actually getting rather upset now. Garak was being so willfully obtuse. “You’re not the type to go out of your way to help someone.” He challenged. “This is just a mystery you’re having trouble solving and therefore it’s an interesting game for you. I’ve always been just a game to you, haven’t I?” He huffed. Julian had been toyed with by Garak for years and nothing had come of it, now he was being painfully obvious in his advances and Garak was determined to make the situation more complicated. “Well, let me just end this here and now then. The answer to this puzzle is surprisingly simple: I’m flirting with you because I have romantic feelings for you.” Julian crossed his arms, it was all or nothing now. “I have been flirting with you for  _ years  _ and if you’re not interested, you should just say so.” 

 

“Doctor…” Julian couldn’t read Garak’s face. “We should really get you to your quarters. You shouldn’t be working in this state.” Before Julian could protest, his arm was seized by Garak and he found himself being dragged out of the infirmary.

 

“Garak!” Julian shouted once he was shoved into the turbolift. “This is  _ ridiculous!”  _

 

“I agree.” Garak said in a low and very different voice. He placed a hand gently on Julian’s shoulder and let his index finger lightly rub the fabric there. “This has all been  _ quite  _ ridiculous.” With his other hand, he took Julian’s and lifted it up so he could lightly brush Julian’s fingers with his lips. “Now are you going to go to your quarters quietly, or am I going to have to drag you there?” Julian’s face lit up and he bit his lip.

 

“Habitat ring.” He commanded and the turbolift began to move. “I’d rather not cause a scene.”

 

“An excellent choice.” Garak nodded before they arrived at their intended floor. “After you, doctor.”

 

“You really should start calling me Julian.” Julian purred as he headed to his room. Garak was close behind and simply hummed in response. “How do you know I’ll stay in my quarters?” Julian smirked once they got to his door. “I’ve hardly been listening to you up to this point.”

 

“I intend to watch you personally.” Garak smiled as the door slid open. “After all, I wouldn’t want to run the risk of anyone else getting infected.”

 

“Oh?” Julian said. He simply moved straight to the bedroom and sat down on his mattress with a smug grin, sliding off his shoes. “What about you?”

 

“Alas,” Garak sighed and shook his head, before sitting down next to Julian. “I seem to have already succumbed to the disease.” He leaned in, but stopped himself short of actually making contact. Julian was happy to close the gap and the two fell into a passionate and intimate display meant only for each other…

 

Unfortunately, Julian forgot to turn off his communicator and Odo returned to his office with some very interesting recordings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this nonsense, I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Please check out my tumblr: ameerawritesstuff.tumblr.com to send me some prompts, look at pics of my dog, and just all around read my fandom ramblings (right now it's essentially just garashir) But seriously, SEND ME PROMPTS.
> 
> Next up, I'll be posting some more Where Your Loyalties Lie and NoOneKnows and I are going to continue with the Loyal Son AU and What We May Be so there shall be plenty of Garashir headed your way! (Also, probably another longish fic that I've been kicking around will be posted soon)


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